3:30am wake up and go to Calvary
6:30am Mass at the Altar of the nailing -
"if you ever doubted if you are loved, come to Calvary.
if you wonder about your significance, come to Calvary.
if you didn't know the meaning of the priesthood, especially today, come to calvary"
-Fr. Lally's homily at Calvary
stations of the Cross along the via dolorosa - i went inside the empty tomb.
dormition abbey - where Mary was assumed into heaven.
the upper room where Jesus celebrated the last supper with the apostles. it remains difficult to pray, to understand, to enter in. Lord, i am not taking anything iin. i am not in a state of shock or awe, it all just falls like water off a ducks back. seeing, i don't recognize what i see. hearing i don't hear. i am not sad or depressed, apparently just numb. it is difficult to pray and there is little time to reflect, perhaps i don't know what prayer is. part of me thinks how can i be in these places and not be affected? part of me wants an experience. part of me feels distant from You, as though my heart is hard, i can't even scratch the surface.
in Your time and in Your way Lord Jesus. i do not think You will abandon me. i hope in You. perhaps this is what You want to give me right now- and will i look for something else? Jesus, teach me to receive from the Father. Everyone else seems to have affect, but not me. Mary, pray for me that i might be open, repent, and receive. Holy Spirit, lead me by Your promptings, teach me to pray. Father, i believe in You, i hope in You and i love You. i want to receive Your love for me. Thy kingdome come, Thy will be done. i'm trying to be silent and listen to whatever You wish to say or do.
St. Peter in Gallicantu -
this is where Peter denied Jesus. there is the pit used as Jesus' prision and the courtyard of Ciaphas' house. Jewish tradition is that if the son sinned against the father and went to ask forgiveness, he could tell if he was forgiven or not based on what the father did at that moment. if the father kept looking forward the son would know his offense was not forgiven. if the father turned his face, even a little bit, toward the son, he would know he was forgiven and all would be well. when Peter denied Jesus and heard the cock crow, he looked and saw Jesus already looking at him: he knew he was already forgiven. then he went out and wept bitterly.
[too much to write today...]
Calvary -
not for obligation but for love.
i prayed for intentions here today. may they know more profoundly Your love for them. Lord Jesus, let us receive Your love.
i have been invited to go to an early Mass tomorrow...in the empty tomb.
No comments:
Post a Comment