Holy Land Pilgrimage day 13 - going home

New years day-

on new years eve i was in bed by 9:30. 1am wakeup and 2am departure (boo security). 6am flight. the pilgrimage is over now and we are going home. had a nice chat with a Jewish girl in the ticketing line, she thought i was being sarcastic when i said "you're quick", for that early in the morning when she figured out we were all seminarians. i wasn't being sarcastic, but i am re-affirmed in the fact that i apprarently don't know how to "sarcas" correctly.

"unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain" is this not what prayer is? what is prayer if i am just doing it, getting it done, or doing it all myself? You are the Builder and i am the laborer, You do the work through me. You do the work through me? who am i, yet You build through my labor, but nothing is built by my labors alone. Thank You Father, for giving me what i need, though i know not that i need and desire it.

and so ends my Holy Land pilgrimage. as you can probably see, i have only begun to scratch the surface on what God is doing in all this. it is my hope that these reflections edify your spirit besides just letting you know what we did and what i noticed. hopefully you can see yourself in the same situations, praying the same prayers, that i did; that you too were a part of this pilgrimage, i being sent as your representative so to speak.

i may not blog for a while now since this is done, but i intend to give a brief update on my pilgrimage to Ars during the year of the priest, a little reflection on my Grandma Frey, and a quick thought on meeting the Pope- all of which occurred immediately after my return from the Holy Land. thank you for your prayers, your support, and your example. may God bless you richly!

with gratitude,

matt libra

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 12 - Bethlehem

Lord Jesus, thank You for loving me, for bringing me on this pilgrimage and showing me Your places. thank You for wanting me to know You and for providing a way for me to know You. even though i have been to where You lived, walked where You suffered, knelt where You died, i cannot really understand it. i can't comprehend that You were in the spot i am now. help me to put out into the deep. convert my heart more and more to Your own.

who we are, our experiences, should color how we pray, how we relate to Jesus. He knows us as us, and if i try to relate to Him as though i had the experiences and encounters of another because i admire their relationship with the Lord, then i really won't be relating to the Lord but only some false preconception i have. Lord, i want You to be Lord in my life, to pray slowly and simply because thats all i can do, to work hard because that is what i have been taught, to encounter You in the simple things, the ordinary encounters of every day because that is how You have shown Yourself to me throughout my life.

Mother Adela - "discover the treasure of your own heart". it is easy to get distracted or discouraged, thinking of the gifts of others. your heart is beautiful--the Holy Trinity dwells in you.

En Karem - where the Visitation took place

John the Baptist was born here, Mary visited Elizabeth and prayed the Magnificat for the first time. "for the mighty Lord has done great things for me and holy is His name" "blessed be the Lord the God of Israel, He has come to His people and set them free"

here i prayed for Fr. Quigley and to pray the magnificat and benedictus where they were prayed originally.

Bethlehem -

where Jesus was born. here i got to pray for intentions. i pray dear Lord for all those families, all expecting or hoping for children. i pray that we all might accept Jesus' coming to us, that we would not see Him as inconvenient or a burden, nor see children as inconvenient or a burden, but might accept and adore Him with joy. convert us to True Faith. i got to pray for Fr. Jerome at the tomb of Jerome. Lord grant us humility and Fear of the Lord.

i got to serve Mass here - humility. how low Jesus humbled Himself, How unassuming and meek You are Jesus. help me to follow Your lead- i have no right to anything. to be attentive to the presence of others, not taking so much but giving and not minding being inconvenienced or wronged.

lady at the shop - made me a rosary, going out of her way. such kindness and gentle love.

to be in the place Christ was born. what ponder it would give to contemplate God being born as man every day of your life.

Jerusalem -

last few hours before we can be here no more. Glory and the empty tomb. Jesus, You are patient and humble- not coming to me on my terms so as to ruin me, but coming and seeking me in a way i can understand. You did not deep equality with God something to grasp at - and You teach me not to grasp. You are present to us where we are at on any particular day, You notice me. You speak a word, but allow me to ignore it, You don't force Your way but call me to be ever more free. every little thing counts, You appreciate any little offering i give to You, treasuring them as signs of love. Your love is reckless. thank You for being extrordinary in an ordinary way. as much as i want to honor You by recognizing how far above me You are, You want to honor me by coming near and drawing me into Yourself. You never cease to offer Yourself. thank You. help me to be like Mary and ponder all these things in my heart. do not let me forget or neglect You.

grace sharing, pack up, new years party. we leave tomorrow.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 11 - wailing wall

slept in till 5:45 then went to Calvary. it is difficult for me to pray here. we celebrated Mass in the Fransiscan chapel where Jesus appeared to His mother, appropriate for me today because today is my mom's birthday and i will offer my Mass intention for her.

there were no lines or hubub around anything today so i just got to go into the tomb again and to touch the stone on which Christ gave His life, moments by myself with calm and peace.

Fr. Hurley's homily - we like to compete and be special; let Jesuse love you the way He wants to love you. the empty tomb means we've been wrong about conquoring and competition, He died. take hold of humility and take hold of what God has done in your life. be confronted with your conceptions with the empty tomb. He raises us up, not us.

wailing wall -

this is the outer wall of the Temple area, the last sign of the temple. all must cover their heads to enter the area, so we wore our yamikas and prayed at the wall. this is where i prayed for intentions today, placing the written intentions into a crack in the wall. This is the place where Yahweh dwelt, where His glory abided on earth. i prayed daytime prayer at the wall, where the psalms were written to be sung in praise of God. "is there any other nation whose God is so close to them as the Lord our God is to us whenever we call upon Him?" - Deuteronomy.

St. Anne's Church -

the birthplace of Mary and the pools of Bethesda where Jesus healed the paralytic. it is cold and windy so we went into the church and the priest invited us to sing with the great acoustics. we sang an Alma and and an Ave in honor of our Lady, it was a privelage. now we are free for the day, our last full day here, Chris and i decided to stay together.

Stations -

Chris and i prayed the stations of the cross, stopping in all the little chapels on the way. it was great. the chapels are small but moving, each taken care of by a different group. the Armenian Church at the 4th station has a beautiful painting of Jesus meeting Mary on the via dolorosa (Mrs. Seward), and the Ecce Homo church is moving. about the 6th station it struck me: as much as i have prayed the stations throughout my life and have been moved by them, Jesus actually went here. this is where He fell, met Veronica, was stripped and died.. it is ridiculous even to think. i was glad to pray with Chris. we walked around the city and now back to the Holy Sepulcher one last time.

Procession - at 4pm the fransiscans make procession around the Church, chanting and praying. Kruse, Finney, Sedor and i got to join in. they commemorate all the altars and the moments of the Passion.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 10 - Tomb

Jayden, Verona and i were at the Holy Seplucher by 3:55am. the streets are quiet and there is great stillness. i prayed by the altar where Mary Magdelene saw the "gardner" after rising early to go to the tomb. Jesus help me to recognize You, to receive Your love and to love You with all i am. at 5am Phil, Verona and i followed Fr. Hurley into the tomb for Mass. What a privelage Lord, to celebrate Your Resurrection where You Resurrected! i can love You even when emotion is not there, i can give my whole heart to You and thank and praise You even when i feel indifferent. You have given me Faith, Hope and Love dear Lord for times such as these.

upper room -

our community Mass was in the upper room: celebrating the Eucharist where Jesus instituted the Eucharist. thank You Lord, for the desire to be thankful. draw me deeper into encounter with you.

rosary at Dormition Abbey -

5th joyful mystery: finding in the temple. Mary did not understand everything Jesus did in Jerusalem either; but she stayed with it and pondered these mysteries in her heart. its ok not to understand it all, but follow, believe, and put your trust in God. Take His hand.

Verona: "what an amazing day. God will not be outdone in generosity"

St. Peter in Gallicantu -

met Phil at the bottom of the Holy Steps, the steps Jesus walked down after the last supper with His disciples, the steps He was marched back up that same night by the soldiers after His agony and arrest in the garden. it is a grace to have met Phil here and we prayed up the steps together - thank You Jesus. now i go back to the chapel to contemplate Your face as You turn towards me, my Friend whom i hav so weakly loved, Whom i have denied, Who still desires and loves me.

Remember Thankfulness. wait on the Lord (Psalm 40). thank You for the desire to see Your face.

David's tomb - commercial

Garden of Gethsemane at night - adoration

we go to keep watch 1 hr with Jesus. remembering what Johnny Burns told me: "recognize Him by the graces He holds out to you". pray as you know how, not as you don't. thank You Jesus. i prayed for intentions here today in Gethsemane, how could i not? for all those facing decisions or crisis, for their discernment to love and choose Your will over all else. God bless Phil who is staying the night in the Holy Sepulcher by Himself tonight. "what kind of priest will you be? you must give it all up, exposed and given over. You promised My mother". Receive the love I have for you. don't desire the love I have for others, but My love for you. thats all you need.

Belotti - the devil likes to keep us down through discouragement.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 9 - Holy Innocents

3:30am wake up and go to Calvary

6:30am Mass at the Altar of the nailing -

"if you ever doubted if you are loved, come to Calvary.

if you wonder about your significance, come to Calvary.

if you didn't know the meaning of the priesthood, especially today, come to calvary"

-Fr. Lally's homily at Calvary

stations of the Cross along the via dolorosa - i went inside the empty tomb.

dormition abbey - where Mary was assumed into heaven.

cenacolo -

the upper room where Jesus celebrated the last supper with the apostles. it remains difficult to pray, to understand, to enter in. Lord, i am not taking anything iin. i am not in a state of shock or awe, it all just falls like water off a ducks back. seeing, i don't recognize what i see. hearing i don't hear. i am not sad or depressed, apparently just numb. it is difficult to pray and there is little time to reflect, perhaps i don't know what prayer is. part of me thinks how can i be in these places and not be affected? part of me wants an experience. part of me feels distant from You, as though my heart is hard, i can't even scratch the surface.

in Your time and in Your way Lord Jesus. i do not think You will abandon me. i hope in You. perhaps this is what You want to give me right now- and will i look for something else? Jesus, teach me to receive from the Father. Everyone else seems to have affect, but not me. Mary, pray for me that i might be open, repent, and receive. Holy Spirit, lead me by Your promptings, teach me to pray. Father, i believe in You, i hope in You and i love You. i want to receive Your love for me. Thy kingdome come, Thy will be done. i'm trying to be silent and listen to whatever You wish to say or do.

St. Peter in Gallicantu -

this is where Peter denied Jesus. there is the pit used as Jesus' prision and the courtyard of Ciaphas' house. Jewish tradition is that if the son sinned against the father and went to ask forgiveness, he could tell if he was forgiven or not based on what the father did at that moment. if the father kept looking forward the son would know his offense was not forgiven. if the father turned his face, even a little bit, toward the son, he would know he was forgiven and all would be well. when Peter denied Jesus and heard the cock crow, he looked and saw Jesus already looking at him: he knew he was already forgiven. then he went out and wept bitterly.

[too much to write today...]

Calvary -

not for obligation but for love.

i prayed for intentions here today. may they know more profoundly Your love for them. Lord Jesus, let us receive Your love.

i have been invited to go to an early Mass tomorrow...in the empty tomb.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 8 - Holy Family

in galilee we got to listen to what Jesus taught, here in Jerusalem we must live as He lived. its all so overwhelming, i don't know how to process it all? i don't want to be out of the zone by distracting myself with anything peripherial, i must give up, surrender all to Him in every moment. i was praying in our hotel chapel when Kuhn came in and wanted me to go with him to the Seplucher (we're not supposed to go alone). the whole way there i thought of Mary Magdeline going early in the morning before dawn to the tomb- just like we are doing- asking her intercession. we got there and i had no idea how to take it in - i probably should have been silent but i prayed the office with Christ's prayer in mind before the tomb. these psalms are His prayer and i pray them in Him- yet more. He prays them in me; lying there in the tomb, having given Himself over to death, His prayer continues on as He prays in me.

in this Church, Calvary, the place Jesus died is on the right and a little to the left is the place where they laid Him, no insignificant places.

Gethsemane -

we celebrated mass at the rock where Christ prayed before His passion. Where His disciples slept and fled, where He prayed that the cup would pass Him by, where He loved the Father's will more that His own human inclinations. "Go deep" enter into the holy places, don't stand back at a distance for piety, but with filial fear go into them, to the heart. Jesus wishes to draw you deeply into His passion.

the friars let us into the garden with 2,000 year old olive trees where the 3 would have slept. then we went "about a stones throw" away where the other 9 would have been on Holy Thursday night. they must have had good arms. i think i could make the throw. they locked us in the garden where the betrayl would have taken place, others don't get to come in. "pray that you might not undergo the test. silence.

this is where i prayed for intentions today, that their faith might not fail, that they might "remain here and keep vigil with Me" Lord, strengthen our faith.

Dominus Flevit -

where Jesus wept over Jerusalem. up a steep hill opposite the old city. "they did not know the time of their visitation". its all so much at once. o Mary, help me to ponder the mystery of Jesus with you. spactacular view of the old city. to weep for they know not peace.

Church of the Ascension -

Kidron Valley - last supper route of Jesus

Pool of Siloam - Hezekiah's tunnel

rosary with verona

Holy Sepulcher -

going in here is something you want to prepare yourself for, not just walk in. i still don't know how to do that. on one level its a huge chaotic mess. dueling liturgies between the orthodox, armenians, coptics, and catholics. inside is St. Helen's chapel where the true cross was found, Adam's tomb, altar marking the place where Mary Magdeline saw the empty tomb and met the "gardener". sitting before the tomb it all seems a bit like a circus or the camel rides at the gas stations: people come in, take a picture, say they did it, and leave.

Your time, Your way O Lord. Jesus, how can i hear you in all this? so much stimulus, i can't realize where i've been. all these sites are just places, but there is so much more. i don't understand what i see and feel numb. Father, i can only sit here before Your Son, in silence and hope that You will help Your little one. Jesus, show me how to be in Jerusalem

pics - here's the few i have. i'll try to get more.

random shot of some of us on the steps at the Holy Sepulcher

garden of gethsemane

galilee - eremos cave

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 7 - to Jerusalem

i got to serve the 6:30am Mass at dawn on the sea of galilee on the feast of St. Stephen. i offered up my Mass intention for my dad who's patron is Stephen. its been a beautiful week in Galilee- sunny, warm days and cool calm nights. it never rained. mostly 75 degrees. now we head to the city from this country paradise.

on the way down we stopped at the Jordan river and renewed our baptisimal vows, passed by Jericho where Jesus met Zaccheus and where the Good Samaritan parable takes place. the landscape is much different: rocks and dust and desert, dry and barren; lots of soldiers and guns everywhere.

Qumran -

we explored the caves where the dead sea scrolls were found, containing ancient manuscripts of most of the Scriptures. its hot so i just stayed in the shade, explored the excavations and had a falaffel. i prayed for intentions here today as we travel the road that Jesus took to His death. He still paused to heal lepers when they cried out to Him for mercy

Dead Sea -

418 meters below sea level, lots of guys slathered themselves in mud and went floating in the dead sea. it was funny...and a little weird.

Jerusalem -

psalm 122, as we went up the hill into Jerusalem. we are staying at Notre Dame house run by the Legionairres right by the new gate--it is a little too nice if you ask me. its dark now, but we went on a walk along the via dolorosa, past the Holy Sepulcher. at night after dinner Verona, Noel, Young, Baron, Nelson and i went exploring. we walked to the Armenian quarter, Jewish quarter and the wailing wall. on our way to the Church of St. Stephen's martyrdom we got scammed by some Muslim kids who "took us there" and wanted some payment for their guidework. they took us back to the Jewish quarter. we ended up finding our way through to near St. Stephen's on his feast day and found a little chapel of the Holy family on the vigil of the feast of the Holy Family. Verona and i prayed a few decades together as we walked back. the city is not that big (a square kilometer) and now we've seen all the sections.

i could not pray well today. lots of transition. we are in Jerusalem.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 6 - Christmas

we had a beautiful candelight vigil Mass for Christmas, pondering God coming to us and seeking us out moreso than us coming to Him. slept in till 6:30 and prayed morning prayer with Starkovich, my roomate, before opening up a special Christmas stash of pepperoni sticks from Wayne.

Capernaum - Jesus' own town

Mass above Peter's house facing the synagogue where Jesus gave the bread of life discourse. some Austrialians and other pilgrims joined us for Mass--we were the only ones allowed in the city today. Msgr. Gruss preached on God's "reckless generosity" in the place where the men tore the roof off to get their friend to Jesus, where He saw their faith, forgave sins and where He stayed; where many stopped following Him. got to pray for the cia and Pat Flynn.

"What wonderous love is this o my soul..." those who followed Jesus in ordinary encounter, who sat with Him in the medow were amazed at His wonders of multiplying the bread. will you sit with Him in the meadow? those who saw Him in the meadow heard Him in the synagogue where He said "My flesh is tru food, My blood true drink" and they left Him. will you leave Him or stay with Him in wonder? He walked by Matthew and said "follow Me". Matthew got up and followed Him. will you give up all and never look back? its an ordinary encounter but so much ddeper whenever Jesus is involved. i prayed for intentions here, at though i were taking the roof off and lowering my friends down, putting all my hope for them in Him. a deep sense that God heard my prayer.

those of the 3rd year shared in some more pepperoni sticks for 3rd year Christmas- a joyful moment.

Orthodox Church - the centurions house

a time to be thankful, quiet, adoration. surrounded by communion of Saints, chant in the backgroudn. thinking of the infant Jesus, newborn to us. i feel lightened, tired...no words i just want to stay.

bay of parables -

walking back to Tabgha from Capernaum we walked along the shore and prayed a rosary. Brunner, Romportl, Gruber and i ran into Markman, Sparks and Anstotter and read parables for a while where Jesus was in the boat teaching the crowds (Luke 5).

points for prayer -

retreat ends and now we head to Jerusalem; we are going to follow the Master. thank you Lord for the grace to pray when and for however long i want. thank You for good and beautiful weather. thank You for the guys here and the opportunity to pilgrimage. Thank You for letting me visit Your home here on earth in peace, stillness and joy.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 5 - Christmas eve

sunrise on the sea is so unassuming. "the Lord delights in those who revere Him, on those who wait for His love. Mass on Eremos Hill, a cooney came out of the rocks and stared me down at dawn.

Eremos hill -

this is where i prayed for intentions today, the place where Jesus went to pray before He called the twelve, where He would go to pray through the night. particularly praying for each person's call and vocation, that they might know the Lord's tender love for them, personally.

Mount of Beattitudes -

free for the day to go where we will, to contemplate Jesus' coming among us, to go in prayer wherever He takes us. i'm sitting 'tween the roots of a tree on the top of the mount like Merry and Pippen in Fanghorn Forest. we'll see if it tries to swallow me up. there is a sweet smelling aroma up here.

Eremos cave -

my prayer led through different things i remember about coming to the Lord and discerning my vocation. i remember running on the pews during a daily Mass with Grandma Frey and Jacinta (i think i got in trouble for that), first confession and communion with Mrs. Burger and Fr. Murphy. Jim Bellinger asking me to to serve, David Rummell training Scott and me. Rosemarie Baretto and Louis Thoma always encouraging us after Mass. retreats in 8th grade, felling called to more. my family gatherings, especially Easter and Christmas. internship year, Deacon Francis, Christina and Meagan. the dub, reach and Dan. Fr. Cihak: "the same qualities that make a good husband and father make a good priest". Amanda Sharer: "i realized i can't say to God i give You my whole heart and hold something back" Surrender. learning to pray in the Chapel. Fr. Auve helping me in discernment. every priest i knew was a good priest (Fr. Paul). Fr. Kelly: "that's interesting". support at St. V's. spiritual directors and confessors. Lourdes, whole heart to Jesus.

i have nothing particular i can or have offered You. its just that You always bless me, ever since i can remember, with more than i ask. You always prepare me for the next step. You give me good friends and strong support, You give me the desire to want to give You all.

Sea of Galilee -

following Jesus, praying, and being His friend is not some taxing thing that takes all your energy and you can't wait for a pause so you can rest and have some time to yourself to do what you want. No, it is like this place, it is ordinary. You are just there, and He is too. Jesus is God with us in the ordinary moment of our day. to follow Him means to be present in those moments. He speaks our language so we can understand that God is not far off but with us now. He worked not so much from event to event where everyone came in a big crowd. Rather He was just going about His day being present to us and events happened along the way. feeding the 5000, healing the leper or paralytic, the woman with the hemmorage or the sermon on the mount-- they kinda just happened when the people came with expectant Faith. He did so many ordinary things with the apostles that they didn't always get it or notice the significance of His presence among us, but when they looked back it was all amazing.

gifts -

a few of us were sneaky and got gifts for our roomates to surpirse them on Christmas morning. it was a fun an giddy time being so cleverly sneaky. is this what it is like for You to give gifts to us--just waiting for us to realize and receive Your gifts that You desire to give us? do You get excited to see our reaction? What is it like when You are so happy to give the gift of Yourself to us and we-i put You off or am not a good receiver of the gift? Mary, pray that we might receive well like you did, especially tonight. it is special to give something to someone because you want to, when you put your own thought, care and love into it. it is great not to be selfish.

my roomate: "i have never not known that i wanted to be a priest" wow.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 4 - Nazareth

cave of the Annunciation -

Mass. the Word became flesh where the Word became flesh. Mary didn't understand full Your coming to her, though she does not seem surprised that You want to be with her, only how You wanted to be with her. "be it done unto me according to Your word". little children enter as we pray, words fail; i don't know how to think. my heart stirs but i don't understand what i feel.

is this how St. Joseph felt? what do you say when you hear Mary's story, when you can believe but not understand? is that why we never hear him speak? i prayed for the intentions given me here, especially for families, expectant mothers or those desiring to conceive, and for father's who contemplate the mystery of wife and child. i prayed for marriages, for strength and all those who are struggling or contemplating divorce, for openness to God's providence.

workshop of Joseph -

Synagogue -

where Jesus was rejected by His kinsmen. "He didn't do many miracles because of their lack of faith". He preached "gracious words" and they tried to throw Him off a cliff. This is where Jesus grew up in wisdom age and favor. how familiar we get to reject Jesus in our midst.

Mary's well -

where You worked, where You were rejected You invited me and want me to see the place, to feel and own as my own Your heart. You reveal your story that i might know You better and understand why You said what You said and did what You did, and what You felt. make my heart like unto Thine.

this is where Mary would have come to draw water. nothing extrodinary, all normal daily life. this is where the Orthodox believe the Annunciation happened. how many times would she have pondered Your mysteries doing her daily tasks. did she rush through them or was she always recolleted? what would she have thought as the town pushed Jesus to throw Him off the hill? how would she have looked at those people again every day? how would they have looked at her?

it feels like going to a friends house or a mother remembering the encounters of each day with her kids, appreciating the presence of the place and the mystery of knowing her child's quirks, sadness, and joys. thank You for unexpected thoughts.

Sr. Josephine -

a poor Clare nun. 90 some years old. full of life. "the mystery of Nazareth is the Eucharist" "o the wisdom of God! the eternal Word of God came to Nazareth and practiced silence for 30 years learning as an apprentice how to be man; thats wisdom.

Cana -

prayed for all those i know who are struggling in marriage, who may be facing crisis as the wine runs out.

adoration points to ponder -

Luke 5, called out of the ordinary circumstances of our lives, not because of our wisdom, gifts, things we've done, or our weaknesses, but because God had a plan. He calls us not in spite of but through our humanity.

holy Land Pilgrimage day 3 - mount of beattitudes

morning prayer in eremos cave as the sun rose, the sky lightened and the darkness fled. no colors, a much different sunrise. my neck is hurt and i can't turn it. come to God humbly, with fear of the Lord.

mount of beattitudes-

where Jesus preached the sermon on the mount we celebrated Mass and got a moment to pray looking over the lake from the top of the hill. i prayed for intentions here today that we might listen to Jesus' Word and be convinced, that we receive Him in His word. Fr. Lally read the sermon on the mount after hiking across the hill, we listened like the crowds of old. i prayed for the men of beattitudes, a group of men trying to live lives of faith and honor, here. its difficult to pray today, to focus. i just want to be.

Church of loaves and fishes-

the place where Jesus had pity on the crowds. will You have pity on me Lord? He fed the 5,000 and they wanted to make Him king, "you only seek Me because you ate and were filled". shortly afterwards He goes to Capernaum (a 20min walk away) and preaches in the synagogue "I am the Bread of Life" and many stop following Him. Lord, how often i just seek that mountain top experience, just to have some experience of grace, seeking the gift more than the Giver. thank You for the grace to truly say: Jesus, i want You more than Your gifts, to love You and encounter You and not just revel in blessings received. You are Jesus Emanuel Who has come to be with us, come to be with me. prayer is not the result of my work or efforts, God has His part. it is noticing You, how You want to reveal Yourself to me and following You. to follow You into the meadow and there be fed by You from your miraculous pity.

watching the crowds enter the church, snap a picture and leave: a simple encounter with You is so good. pray and let Jesus' pity run to your heart for them. they too want to meet Jesus, to encounter Him. perhaps they don't know how. pray for them, love them, be joyful. each person we encounter in our day is a moment where God entrusts us with the care of their soul for that moment. do not cling to them as though it all depends on you, but how do you treat that person in that moment? love them. we are entrusted with love.

Adoration at Mensa Christi at night-

we see Jesus appear where Jesus appeared. encounter with Jesus.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 2 - Galilee

a happy mistake. i awoke and looking at my clock, thought it the alarm didn't go off and i was an hour late. bustling to get ready i realized as i rushed out my door only to realize it was only 5am. so no i have to sit by the sea of galilee all by myself. thank you Jesus.

it is black, calm, quiet and clear. i feel my way around to find a spot on the rocks. Jesus, did You perhaps rise early too and come sit by the lake? could i be sitting where You sat? thank You for letting me sit with You in this special place of encounter and friendship. in the dark every now and then a fish jumps, a gentle rain falls and its getting cooler. the birds begin to wake and chirp in the sky. as a pale orange light comes across the lake and the backs of clouds blush red with the coming of the sun i pray office and morning prayer. my spirit livens as i pray the psalms with the sunrise. blue sky appears and the far shore becomes hazy with light. the red is gone and the golden sun makes the clouds silver bright as it peaks its head over the hill tops, too bright to look at. and so the day begins.

Mensa Christi -

this is where Jesus cooked fish after His resurrection and said "Peter, do you love me?..." where the apostles went back to being fisherman and caught nothing. i was not paying attention to where i was and the huge rock struck me as i approached it in the chapel and here the question put to me, "Matthew, do you love me?" do i leap into the water as soon as i recognize You, forgetting all else, counting it as loss? so often i hang on to my own plans, restricting You to them rather that submitting them to You. "Lord, You know all things, You know that i love You" in my heart i desire to be all Yours...but i think of my failures, selfishness, my weak love, when i choose my will over Yours or when i have ignored You or... but that is not the question You ask. You want to know if i love You more than these, twice more You draw me back "Do you love ME?" Me. "I am what you want, will you forget the rest, let go of those distracting/disorienting questions and love Me?" Lord, You know everything going on inside of me, everything about me and still You love and seek me, You love me, yes Lord, i love You.

this is where i prayed for intentions today, where Jesus restores us in love. where we come to recognize and receive His love for us and confess now our love for Him.

Capernaum-

we read John 6 in the synagogue where Jesus spoke these words. the is Jesus' "own city", where He lived, where Peter lived, where He healed the centurion's servant, where He called Matthew. its all so close. this is where many disciples left Him after His "hard saying" Matthew stayed with Him. God has invited us to pass through His own home, so much to take in. temptation to come to a conclusion, to grasp a grace, to rush through to get to the end. "follow Me. and he got up and followed Him."

Tabgha-

this is the "lonely place" Jesus used to go when He wanted to pray, where he fed the 5,000.

Eremos cave-

where Jesus would go to for shelter when he "prayed on the mountain all night" you can see the whole lake from here. He could have seen the fishermen who He would call to be among the Twelve.

Peter's Waterfall-

the spot where it is believed Jesus called Peter, Andrew, James, and John to follow Him. i enjoyed skipping around on the rocks like a little kid, not falling into the water. here it was good to pray a rosary, to ponder over the events of Jesus' life with Mary. i must not forget that.

in the background all the day was the thought that it was not that i wanted to come or that i had enough money to come; i am here now because Jesus wants me here, to know and encounter Him in a new way in our relationship. He is my friend Who invites me to His home. it was a busy and full day, a blurr. my heart was still at Mensa Chrisiti...

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 1 - departure

we were up and gone by 5am, El al airlines requires you to be there 3 hours early for the intensive security. going in to this pilgrimage two thoughts are guiding me: 1) from our prayer service last night - we are not just going to the Holy Land. God is calling each one of us to pass through His places not because we deserve or earn it, but for whatever reason, in His plan He wants us to see Him in a new way like when a friend invites you to their home. 2) from a deacon's message to me - Luke 5, go deep, recognize Him by the graces He holds out to you.

we arrived in tel aviv and had a 2.5 hr bus ride to Galilee where we will celebrate Mass and have dinner as soon as we get there (a long travel day). it was 70 degrees as the sun was setting. we passed Mt. Tabor where the transfiguration took place, Nain where the widow's son was raised to life, and Nazareth where Jesus grew up. i can't believe i am in the Holy Land! it doesn't make sense to me yet. i prayed for the intentions given to me as we passed these places.

meditation for tomorrow: let Him be extravagant in His love. sometimes love needs to be expressed in deeds. Love, even when it hurts.

after the prayer service i walked down by the lake, its so calm, tranquil, and inviting. i can hear leaves rustling in the trees.