Holy Land Pilgrimage day 13 - going home

New years day-

on new years eve i was in bed by 9:30. 1am wakeup and 2am departure (boo security). 6am flight. the pilgrimage is over now and we are going home. had a nice chat with a Jewish girl in the ticketing line, she thought i was being sarcastic when i said "you're quick", for that early in the morning when she figured out we were all seminarians. i wasn't being sarcastic, but i am re-affirmed in the fact that i apprarently don't know how to "sarcas" correctly.

"unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain" is this not what prayer is? what is prayer if i am just doing it, getting it done, or doing it all myself? You are the Builder and i am the laborer, You do the work through me. You do the work through me? who am i, yet You build through my labor, but nothing is built by my labors alone. Thank You Father, for giving me what i need, though i know not that i need and desire it.

and so ends my Holy Land pilgrimage. as you can probably see, i have only begun to scratch the surface on what God is doing in all this. it is my hope that these reflections edify your spirit besides just letting you know what we did and what i noticed. hopefully you can see yourself in the same situations, praying the same prayers, that i did; that you too were a part of this pilgrimage, i being sent as your representative so to speak.

i may not blog for a while now since this is done, but i intend to give a brief update on my pilgrimage to Ars during the year of the priest, a little reflection on my Grandma Frey, and a quick thought on meeting the Pope- all of which occurred immediately after my return from the Holy Land. thank you for your prayers, your support, and your example. may God bless you richly!

with gratitude,

matt libra

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 12 - Bethlehem

Lord Jesus, thank You for loving me, for bringing me on this pilgrimage and showing me Your places. thank You for wanting me to know You and for providing a way for me to know You. even though i have been to where You lived, walked where You suffered, knelt where You died, i cannot really understand it. i can't comprehend that You were in the spot i am now. help me to put out into the deep. convert my heart more and more to Your own.

who we are, our experiences, should color how we pray, how we relate to Jesus. He knows us as us, and if i try to relate to Him as though i had the experiences and encounters of another because i admire their relationship with the Lord, then i really won't be relating to the Lord but only some false preconception i have. Lord, i want You to be Lord in my life, to pray slowly and simply because thats all i can do, to work hard because that is what i have been taught, to encounter You in the simple things, the ordinary encounters of every day because that is how You have shown Yourself to me throughout my life.

Mother Adela - "discover the treasure of your own heart". it is easy to get distracted or discouraged, thinking of the gifts of others. your heart is beautiful--the Holy Trinity dwells in you.

En Karem - where the Visitation took place

John the Baptist was born here, Mary visited Elizabeth and prayed the Magnificat for the first time. "for the mighty Lord has done great things for me and holy is His name" "blessed be the Lord the God of Israel, He has come to His people and set them free"

here i prayed for Fr. Quigley and to pray the magnificat and benedictus where they were prayed originally.

Bethlehem -

where Jesus was born. here i got to pray for intentions. i pray dear Lord for all those families, all expecting or hoping for children. i pray that we all might accept Jesus' coming to us, that we would not see Him as inconvenient or a burden, nor see children as inconvenient or a burden, but might accept and adore Him with joy. convert us to True Faith. i got to pray for Fr. Jerome at the tomb of Jerome. Lord grant us humility and Fear of the Lord.

i got to serve Mass here - humility. how low Jesus humbled Himself, How unassuming and meek You are Jesus. help me to follow Your lead- i have no right to anything. to be attentive to the presence of others, not taking so much but giving and not minding being inconvenienced or wronged.

lady at the shop - made me a rosary, going out of her way. such kindness and gentle love.

to be in the place Christ was born. what ponder it would give to contemplate God being born as man every day of your life.

Jerusalem -

last few hours before we can be here no more. Glory and the empty tomb. Jesus, You are patient and humble- not coming to me on my terms so as to ruin me, but coming and seeking me in a way i can understand. You did not deep equality with God something to grasp at - and You teach me not to grasp. You are present to us where we are at on any particular day, You notice me. You speak a word, but allow me to ignore it, You don't force Your way but call me to be ever more free. every little thing counts, You appreciate any little offering i give to You, treasuring them as signs of love. Your love is reckless. thank You for being extrordinary in an ordinary way. as much as i want to honor You by recognizing how far above me You are, You want to honor me by coming near and drawing me into Yourself. You never cease to offer Yourself. thank You. help me to be like Mary and ponder all these things in my heart. do not let me forget or neglect You.

grace sharing, pack up, new years party. we leave tomorrow.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 11 - wailing wall

slept in till 5:45 then went to Calvary. it is difficult for me to pray here. we celebrated Mass in the Fransiscan chapel where Jesus appeared to His mother, appropriate for me today because today is my mom's birthday and i will offer my Mass intention for her.

there were no lines or hubub around anything today so i just got to go into the tomb again and to touch the stone on which Christ gave His life, moments by myself with calm and peace.

Fr. Hurley's homily - we like to compete and be special; let Jesuse love you the way He wants to love you. the empty tomb means we've been wrong about conquoring and competition, He died. take hold of humility and take hold of what God has done in your life. be confronted with your conceptions with the empty tomb. He raises us up, not us.

wailing wall -

this is the outer wall of the Temple area, the last sign of the temple. all must cover their heads to enter the area, so we wore our yamikas and prayed at the wall. this is where i prayed for intentions today, placing the written intentions into a crack in the wall. This is the place where Yahweh dwelt, where His glory abided on earth. i prayed daytime prayer at the wall, where the psalms were written to be sung in praise of God. "is there any other nation whose God is so close to them as the Lord our God is to us whenever we call upon Him?" - Deuteronomy.

St. Anne's Church -

the birthplace of Mary and the pools of Bethesda where Jesus healed the paralytic. it is cold and windy so we went into the church and the priest invited us to sing with the great acoustics. we sang an Alma and and an Ave in honor of our Lady, it was a privelage. now we are free for the day, our last full day here, Chris and i decided to stay together.

Stations -

Chris and i prayed the stations of the cross, stopping in all the little chapels on the way. it was great. the chapels are small but moving, each taken care of by a different group. the Armenian Church at the 4th station has a beautiful painting of Jesus meeting Mary on the via dolorosa (Mrs. Seward), and the Ecce Homo church is moving. about the 6th station it struck me: as much as i have prayed the stations throughout my life and have been moved by them, Jesus actually went here. this is where He fell, met Veronica, was stripped and died.. it is ridiculous even to think. i was glad to pray with Chris. we walked around the city and now back to the Holy Sepulcher one last time.

Procession - at 4pm the fransiscans make procession around the Church, chanting and praying. Kruse, Finney, Sedor and i got to join in. they commemorate all the altars and the moments of the Passion.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 10 - Tomb

Jayden, Verona and i were at the Holy Seplucher by 3:55am. the streets are quiet and there is great stillness. i prayed by the altar where Mary Magdelene saw the "gardner" after rising early to go to the tomb. Jesus help me to recognize You, to receive Your love and to love You with all i am. at 5am Phil, Verona and i followed Fr. Hurley into the tomb for Mass. What a privelage Lord, to celebrate Your Resurrection where You Resurrected! i can love You even when emotion is not there, i can give my whole heart to You and thank and praise You even when i feel indifferent. You have given me Faith, Hope and Love dear Lord for times such as these.

upper room -

our community Mass was in the upper room: celebrating the Eucharist where Jesus instituted the Eucharist. thank You Lord, for the desire to be thankful. draw me deeper into encounter with you.

rosary at Dormition Abbey -

5th joyful mystery: finding in the temple. Mary did not understand everything Jesus did in Jerusalem either; but she stayed with it and pondered these mysteries in her heart. its ok not to understand it all, but follow, believe, and put your trust in God. Take His hand.

Verona: "what an amazing day. God will not be outdone in generosity"

St. Peter in Gallicantu -

met Phil at the bottom of the Holy Steps, the steps Jesus walked down after the last supper with His disciples, the steps He was marched back up that same night by the soldiers after His agony and arrest in the garden. it is a grace to have met Phil here and we prayed up the steps together - thank You Jesus. now i go back to the chapel to contemplate Your face as You turn towards me, my Friend whom i hav so weakly loved, Whom i have denied, Who still desires and loves me.

Remember Thankfulness. wait on the Lord (Psalm 40). thank You for the desire to see Your face.

David's tomb - commercial

Garden of Gethsemane at night - adoration

we go to keep watch 1 hr with Jesus. remembering what Johnny Burns told me: "recognize Him by the graces He holds out to you". pray as you know how, not as you don't. thank You Jesus. i prayed for intentions here today in Gethsemane, how could i not? for all those facing decisions or crisis, for their discernment to love and choose Your will over all else. God bless Phil who is staying the night in the Holy Sepulcher by Himself tonight. "what kind of priest will you be? you must give it all up, exposed and given over. You promised My mother". Receive the love I have for you. don't desire the love I have for others, but My love for you. thats all you need.

Belotti - the devil likes to keep us down through discouragement.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 9 - Holy Innocents

3:30am wake up and go to Calvary

6:30am Mass at the Altar of the nailing -

"if you ever doubted if you are loved, come to Calvary.

if you wonder about your significance, come to Calvary.

if you didn't know the meaning of the priesthood, especially today, come to calvary"

-Fr. Lally's homily at Calvary

stations of the Cross along the via dolorosa - i went inside the empty tomb.

dormition abbey - where Mary was assumed into heaven.

cenacolo -

the upper room where Jesus celebrated the last supper with the apostles. it remains difficult to pray, to understand, to enter in. Lord, i am not taking anything iin. i am not in a state of shock or awe, it all just falls like water off a ducks back. seeing, i don't recognize what i see. hearing i don't hear. i am not sad or depressed, apparently just numb. it is difficult to pray and there is little time to reflect, perhaps i don't know what prayer is. part of me thinks how can i be in these places and not be affected? part of me wants an experience. part of me feels distant from You, as though my heart is hard, i can't even scratch the surface.

in Your time and in Your way Lord Jesus. i do not think You will abandon me. i hope in You. perhaps this is what You want to give me right now- and will i look for something else? Jesus, teach me to receive from the Father. Everyone else seems to have affect, but not me. Mary, pray for me that i might be open, repent, and receive. Holy Spirit, lead me by Your promptings, teach me to pray. Father, i believe in You, i hope in You and i love You. i want to receive Your love for me. Thy kingdome come, Thy will be done. i'm trying to be silent and listen to whatever You wish to say or do.

St. Peter in Gallicantu -

this is where Peter denied Jesus. there is the pit used as Jesus' prision and the courtyard of Ciaphas' house. Jewish tradition is that if the son sinned against the father and went to ask forgiveness, he could tell if he was forgiven or not based on what the father did at that moment. if the father kept looking forward the son would know his offense was not forgiven. if the father turned his face, even a little bit, toward the son, he would know he was forgiven and all would be well. when Peter denied Jesus and heard the cock crow, he looked and saw Jesus already looking at him: he knew he was already forgiven. then he went out and wept bitterly.

[too much to write today...]

Calvary -

not for obligation but for love.

i prayed for intentions here today. may they know more profoundly Your love for them. Lord Jesus, let us receive Your love.

i have been invited to go to an early Mass tomorrow...in the empty tomb.

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 8 - Holy Family

in galilee we got to listen to what Jesus taught, here in Jerusalem we must live as He lived. its all so overwhelming, i don't know how to process it all? i don't want to be out of the zone by distracting myself with anything peripherial, i must give up, surrender all to Him in every moment. i was praying in our hotel chapel when Kuhn came in and wanted me to go with him to the Seplucher (we're not supposed to go alone). the whole way there i thought of Mary Magdeline going early in the morning before dawn to the tomb- just like we are doing- asking her intercession. we got there and i had no idea how to take it in - i probably should have been silent but i prayed the office with Christ's prayer in mind before the tomb. these psalms are His prayer and i pray them in Him- yet more. He prays them in me; lying there in the tomb, having given Himself over to death, His prayer continues on as He prays in me.

in this Church, Calvary, the place Jesus died is on the right and a little to the left is the place where they laid Him, no insignificant places.

Gethsemane -

we celebrated mass at the rock where Christ prayed before His passion. Where His disciples slept and fled, where He prayed that the cup would pass Him by, where He loved the Father's will more that His own human inclinations. "Go deep" enter into the holy places, don't stand back at a distance for piety, but with filial fear go into them, to the heart. Jesus wishes to draw you deeply into His passion.

the friars let us into the garden with 2,000 year old olive trees where the 3 would have slept. then we went "about a stones throw" away where the other 9 would have been on Holy Thursday night. they must have had good arms. i think i could make the throw. they locked us in the garden where the betrayl would have taken place, others don't get to come in. "pray that you might not undergo the test. silence.

this is where i prayed for intentions today, that their faith might not fail, that they might "remain here and keep vigil with Me" Lord, strengthen our faith.

Dominus Flevit -

where Jesus wept over Jerusalem. up a steep hill opposite the old city. "they did not know the time of their visitation". its all so much at once. o Mary, help me to ponder the mystery of Jesus with you. spactacular view of the old city. to weep for they know not peace.

Church of the Ascension -

Kidron Valley - last supper route of Jesus

Pool of Siloam - Hezekiah's tunnel

rosary with verona

Holy Sepulcher -

going in here is something you want to prepare yourself for, not just walk in. i still don't know how to do that. on one level its a huge chaotic mess. dueling liturgies between the orthodox, armenians, coptics, and catholics. inside is St. Helen's chapel where the true cross was found, Adam's tomb, altar marking the place where Mary Magdeline saw the empty tomb and met the "gardener". sitting before the tomb it all seems a bit like a circus or the camel rides at the gas stations: people come in, take a picture, say they did it, and leave.

Your time, Your way O Lord. Jesus, how can i hear you in all this? so much stimulus, i can't realize where i've been. all these sites are just places, but there is so much more. i don't understand what i see and feel numb. Father, i can only sit here before Your Son, in silence and hope that You will help Your little one. Jesus, show me how to be in Jerusalem

pics - here's the few i have. i'll try to get more.

random shot of some of us on the steps at the Holy Sepulcher

garden of gethsemane

galilee - eremos cave

Holy Land Pilgrimage day 7 - to Jerusalem

i got to serve the 6:30am Mass at dawn on the sea of galilee on the feast of St. Stephen. i offered up my Mass intention for my dad who's patron is Stephen. its been a beautiful week in Galilee- sunny, warm days and cool calm nights. it never rained. mostly 75 degrees. now we head to the city from this country paradise.

on the way down we stopped at the Jordan river and renewed our baptisimal vows, passed by Jericho where Jesus met Zaccheus and where the Good Samaritan parable takes place. the landscape is much different: rocks and dust and desert, dry and barren; lots of soldiers and guns everywhere.

Qumran -

we explored the caves where the dead sea scrolls were found, containing ancient manuscripts of most of the Scriptures. its hot so i just stayed in the shade, explored the excavations and had a falaffel. i prayed for intentions here today as we travel the road that Jesus took to His death. He still paused to heal lepers when they cried out to Him for mercy

Dead Sea -

418 meters below sea level, lots of guys slathered themselves in mud and went floating in the dead sea. it was funny...and a little weird.

Jerusalem -

psalm 122, as we went up the hill into Jerusalem. we are staying at Notre Dame house run by the Legionairres right by the new gate--it is a little too nice if you ask me. its dark now, but we went on a walk along the via dolorosa, past the Holy Sepulcher. at night after dinner Verona, Noel, Young, Baron, Nelson and i went exploring. we walked to the Armenian quarter, Jewish quarter and the wailing wall. on our way to the Church of St. Stephen's martyrdom we got scammed by some Muslim kids who "took us there" and wanted some payment for their guidework. they took us back to the Jewish quarter. we ended up finding our way through to near St. Stephen's on his feast day and found a little chapel of the Holy family on the vigil of the feast of the Holy Family. Verona and i prayed a few decades together as we walked back. the city is not that big (a square kilometer) and now we've seen all the sections.

i could not pray well today. lots of transition. we are in Jerusalem.